 Bisexual Experience How To Meet Women
 Okay, you've decided you'd like to give this bi-curious thing a nudge and try to sate your curiosity with an actual sexual encounter. Assuming you do not know any lesbians who are available, how do you meet one? How do you approach them to flirt? Relax! There may be some "rules of the game" that are different from meeting men, but the overall dance is the same one you already know how to play. The only difference is, you may find yourself in the position of "pursuer" more often, whereas most women are used to being pursued! At last you will be able to sympathize with the agony men sometimes go through trying to pick up women. Let's hope you will behave better than some of the guys do!
One thing to keep in mind: lesbians are, by and large, not looking for sex only (unlike most men you might hook up with at a bar) but are often seeking to form relationships with women they meet. Be sure you communicate your intentions clearly, if you are not looking for a girlfriend. If you want to take things slowly and keep it casual, just say so. The old joke about a lesbian bringing a moving van along on the second date may not be true but stereotypes do exist for a reason. If a woman starts talking about your encounter in terms of a relationship, just be honest about where you stand, maybe saying "I like you and it has been great spending time with you but before we go any further, I need to tell you that I can't really get involved in a serious relationship now." This may lead her to ask more questions, it may not, but at least you'll know you've made the effort to communicate.
Another very important thing to keep in mind: If you are very clear that this is just exploration for you, say so. Some lesbians might not want to get involved with a woman who is only curious or "experimenting" and might even resent your foray into lesbian space for this purpose. The best policy is to be open and honest with any questions you are asked. On the flip side of the coin, exploration of bisexuality is becoming more and more widespread, so there is greater acceptance of this at clubs, etc. Some women you meet may be happy to take a "newbie" under their wing! Or they might sympathize with you and want to help you ease into things slowly, maybe even giving you tips on how to meet someone who is suitable.
Where to Meet Other Women
It's not as if lesbians congregate in one place! But in social situations where sex is a possible outcome there are definitely some places you will find faster success than others. The most obvious is a lesbian or gay bar, if you're over 21. Clubs and bars differ and some may have too much of a casual or "meat market" atmosphere for your taste. Some cities have bars that host a "dyke night" once a week or month. Bring a few friends the first time you check out a place, see if you like it there and then you can go back alone or with one friend as a "buddy" who is helping you out on your quest.
Other Places
Maybe you don't drink or would rather meet someone in an environment where alcohol is not involved. Depending where you live, there may be lesbian bookstores or sex shops. These will usually hold events you can attend, everything from dyke knitting circles to poetry readings, workshops and demonstrations. Most medium sized cities will have some sort of lesbian-owned business or shops aimed at gay customers. You might try taking a night class in women's literature. Go to a reading at a bookstore by a lesbian author. Attend a lesbian-themed film. Volunteer to work for a gay politician or a gay rights organization. You never know where you might meet someone once you attune your radar. You may notice that lesbians who are living that lifestyle dress or groom differently than most straight women, but some don't. If you think you want to change your hairstyle or style of dress to put out a gay vibe, give it a try! But always be yourself, or it will be obvious you are "trying too hard."
How to Meet/Approach Someone in a Bar/Club
Again: Be yourself. Try not to "telegraph" your intentions too blatantly unless you want lots of attention! If you make eye contact with someone you think is attractive, wait a few minutes and see if she still looks interested. Then walk on over (unless she walks up first). Say hi, introduce yourself. If there is a dance floor, ask her if she wants to dance, or offer to buy her a drink. Maybe there is a pool table or dartboard or pinball machine you can break the ice over. If you sit down, notice how close she is sitting. If you hand her a drink or light her cigarette, touch her arm or hand and see what her response is. How often does she look into your eyes or smile? Think of the ways you have shown encouragement to men in the past when flirting with them–these are the signs you are watching for.
If she seems happy to spend some time with you, steer the conversation towards a potential date. Let her know you've only been here once or twice, ask if she likes it here, etc. Is she here with anyone? She may say "yes, my girlfriend" or "with a friend" or "no, I'm alone tonight." Her answer will determine your next action. If she is with friends, you could still ask her if she'd like to go get coffee sometime. If she says yes, ask for her phone number. If she suggests you come back to her place, you have two options: say yes, that sounds good. Or say, if you don't mind, I'd rather get together outside the bar scene first. Remember, your main interest here is sexual exploration, and there is nothing wrong with a casual encounter, as long as you practice safe sex.
Personal Ads
Most newspapers and weekly publications have personal ads that include sections where women can find other women. There are also plenty of online places, like nerve.com, lesbian.com, or the personals sections at Yahoo's website or other ISPs. You can browse ads to respond to, or place your own. You don't have to reveal too much, but if you put "curious" in your headline or ad you may be more likely to meet women willing to show you the ropes, or who want to have an encounter with someone new to this lifestyle. Some ads will be very explicitly geared towards sex. As long as you are clear about your "curious" status before agreeing to meet someone, this might be just what you need!
Use common sense before agreeing to meet someone. You never know. There have been cases of women victimized by men who were trolling lesbian ads. Don't enter into an intense email communication, because you may well be disappointed when you meet to find there is no chemistry (unless cybersex is something you are happy to explore, too). Likewise with phone calls. If what you really seek is a flesh-on-flesh encounter, the best course is to meet this person as soon as possible so see if there is any chemistry. Arrange to meet during the day in a very public place. Coffee is better than drinks, and lunch is sometimes awkward if you sense there is no attraction and you still have a whole meal to get through. Don't feel pressured to give out your personal information unless you want to. If you do not feel a physical attraction to the person it is not necessary to say so unless you are pressed directly. Usually people are aware if there is a mutual attraction, and can sense when someone is more interested than they are. Be polite and noncommital but don't lead anyone on. Ask her where she likes to hang out and say you might see her there sometime. This suggests you'd like to be friends but doesn't make it necessary to have a follow-up date. If you are attracted and she seems to be, too, suggest getting together another time. If the sexual energy is firing up, ask if she is free later that night, for a walk in the park or a beer or a movie. Take it from there! (Read our tips for your first Girl-on-Girl Encounter) |
03-01-2007, 10:24 AM
Similar Threads 
Linear Mode
